5.7.2018
A blue butterfly fluttered up beside us for a fleeting moment.
“What are you doing all the way out at sea? Do you know where you’re headed?”
...
Shortly thereafter, during the boat ride back to shore, I made the decision to go ahead with getting an orchiectomy. It means the removal of both testicles and by some miracle, I was laying on an operating table three days later.
...
When it came to having the surgery the anesthesiologist gently places a mask on my face. He asks me to count down slowly from ten.
I begin to do so, ten, nine, eight, it’s all going smoothly but when I get to seven I panic; “what if I want biological children? or to ever feel my dick get hard again? It does feel good, fuck!” My eyes shutter on the count of six but I need more time to process all of this. I’m down to five and my chest is so damn heavy, it feels like I’ve stopped breathing. I tried to scream “please stop” but my mouth won’t move and I think I may have drooled instead. I lose track of what number comes next but with every strength left in my body I managed to force my eyes open. I hear the anesthesiologist exclaim “oh” before they close once more.
...
There, suspended in the darkness before me, with those shimmering wings stretched out to me. My blue friend calls out;
"Did your boat safely make it back to shore? Or are you still out there just as lost as me?
Kaniska Canace Ishima is most likely the butterfly encountered as I had been snorkeling off the coast of Kerama island.